Maybe it’s time for me to be honest about certain things.

I’ve been toying with this over a year now, and it just keeps getting louder recently.  I always think of myself a vegetarian at heart, but there is always something about animal protein (especially fish and chicken), eggs (my ultimate animal-derived comfort protein!) and greek yogurt (okay, that should be replaced with ice cream).  Oh my… I am not one to deny myself of the food I love.  After all, I am known to be pretty self-punishing and hard on myself in many ways.  I digress…

Today, I had a glimpse of feeling sick in my body from eating things I usually love and often have.  Yes, I eat ice cream almost on a daily bais, along with coffee.  Maybe I didn’t eat enough, didn’t sleep well enough, or just studied too much (heh heh), I haven’t felt quite well since I woke up this morning.  However I managed to start my morning with yoga on my mat for about 20 minutes (which is something I want to cultivate as part of my daily morning ritual soon; that will be another post for another day) this morning, I still felt pretty drained two hours after breakfast while I studied.

I constantly ask myself questions like “why?”  Why am I feeling this way, so crappy, so tired, so this and that?  As if my body is always on high alert of checking itself, or sound like it is checking for signs against itself often times.  My mind is always thinking of what I should be, should feel and should do.  Sometimes it helps to logically analyze what I might have done to result in feeling sick regrettably, while something else like my inner trust tells me that it’s just energy flow, nothing more…

And just be with this moment. Let go resistance of feeling whatever it is in my mind.

Today I am a bit torn between the two.  I do think there is a lesson to be learned here. I’m trying to cut down my daily morning coffee to half of a mug with breakfast, but still craved the other half an hour later while studying.  Still spacey and perhaps hungry, I washed the rest of my morning coffee with an extra jolt of sugar in a form of coffee candy.  Feeling sick after lunch, after I ate ice cream,  and then a little more coffee.  WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!

That’s it. I admit it. I love coffee, ice cream and both together as my post-lunch-pick-me-up-treat. Almost every day.  Yes I think it’s a mild form of addiction but it helps me with studying and getting through the rest of my day.  But lately I find that energy gained from the sugar and caffeine is unstable and sometimes wean off too quickly, aka I feel the crash slightly.  Perhaps this trusting/listening/ to my body experience is seeping through the physiological level.

Something in me is wanting to say goodbye to coffee, any kind of dairy and processed sugar for a while.

I want to feel free from depending on those food to “get me through” the moments when I feel tired, weak or bored.  They are emotional crutches which I just never want to admit openly.  But I knew inside.  I feel like lately I’m manifesting a cleaner and truer version of my authentic self. I am craving a visceral cleansing, not just emotionally and mentally, but physically detoxing transformation.  Inevitably, I will be challenged when I take on new habits and shed old ones.  But the process of detoxing from the deepest level of conviction, all the way from your gut, is what getting to know your true self is about, isn’t it?

I’ll make the upcoming February a month of dedication to manifesting.  Every day, starting tomorrow, February 1st, I will do the following:

  • Cut down breakfast coffee, instead drink hot water & lemon. (Drink tea during the day if my energy slump; take naps as often as necessary)
  • Increase plant-based protein intake; note what works and does not work for my body
  • Yoga every day – even if that means 10 minutes here and there; in the morning or before bedtime.

That seems like easy since it’s just a few things.  But oh let’s see, they are all very much big parts of my daily life for… years.

At the same time, making changes doesn’t have to be a big overhaul.  Even if it’s just one thing; it takes little steps to become bigger steps in order to make it a permanent change.  Practice makes permanent. Not perfect.

All these are not quintessentially or impossibly difficult, as I’ve enjoyed doing some of those already from time to time.  I just need to remind myself these are manifestation toward what my ideal life looks like.  Not a quick fix or self-denial.

For example, I love my yogi teas. In fact, on some days I’d rather have tea than coffee.  I also love love LOVE lemons. With ginger it’s my to-go daily elixir. Yoga? YES please!

The only rule is: try my best. No judgment if I gave in or felt like I didn’t check off all of them every day. But, I will review/rewind at the end of each night before bed the decisions that I’ve made on that day toward I want and incorporate that into my ideal life.  Ask myself the two power questions:

(1) how [the decision] dovetails or not to what I want toward my ideal life NEXT (review my vision board); and

(2) what is the action step NEXT.

Also, most importantly…

Celebrate when I feel great, and keep doing what makes me feel great!

I would call this a 30-day challenge, but manifestation is much more than 30 days long and goes deeper, which resonate with what I want much better.